Caught in a Game of Dominoes?

Imagine taking a stack of dominoes and standing them vertically one by one behind each other.  What happens when you push the first piece down?  If done correctly, it will start a chain reaction and each will cause the next to fall.

If you set the dominoes up the same way, and then remove a few from the middle of the sequence, what happens when you push the first one down?  Again, if done correctly, the subsequent dominoes will fall.  This time, however, all of them will not.  The last half will stay upright.  The pieces you removed ultimately prevent a total collapse.

In therapy, clients are taught that they do not always have control over the events that occur in their lives, but they always have control over their response.  The outcome is not only impacted by the event, but also by the reaction that it triggers.  The way that you respond can limit the impact the stressor has on your life.  In other words, you cannot always stop the first domino from falling, but by changing your negative reaction, you might be able to limit the number of dominoes that fall.

Consider the painful experiences in your life.  How many could have been minimized or stopped altogether if you had reacted differently?

So how do you change your behavior?  Do some introspection.  What are your patterns of reaction to stress?  Write them down.  What did you not like about your responses and what caused you to act that way?  Was it a particular person, a loss of control, or a feeling of shame?  Be honest with yourself.

Now ask yourself, what can you do differently the next time you are in that type of situation.  How can you minimize the impact?  Maybe you could walk away and collect yourself, or talk to a safe third party and process your feelings, or mentally prepare yourself in advance for the stressor. What ever it is you decide to do, make a plan and commit to it.

When you understand your own patterns of behavior, you learn to control them in a healthier manner.  This will empower you.  Remember, your dominoes will get pushed, but it does not have to end in a total collapse.