"Eat your peas," I order my 3 year old for the hundredth time.
She's sitting in her highchair smiling sweetly back at me.
"I don't like peas," she says and eats her corn instead.
"You have to eat your peas," I insist and try to put a spoonful in her mouth. She seals her lips tightly and turns her head. I try being forceful. I trying being angry. I try bribing.
After a good 15 minutes of this battle, I finally give up and walk away. Confident that somehow her life will be limited because she didn't get her peas, I decide that I have failed her.
Fast forward seven years... she still doesn't eat her peas. To be honest, no one in the family eats peas. You won't even find peas in our freezer. We are a pea-free household. :) So many jokes...so little time.
For most of us, rules govern our lives. The way we behave, the way we eat, even the way we love are often the result of regulations we have created. They are a product of cultural, social, and familial norms and some are due to life experiences.
Some rules are mandatory. These are necessary to protect us and keep us safe. Others are optional, like eating everything on your plate. The problem occurs when we mistakenly identify an optional rule as mandatory. If you were to make a chart of the mandatory and optional rules of your life, I would be curious to see what you would put in each category.
A lot of times, the way we phrase a request impacts how we label it. The words "have to" or "must" before an action makes the sentence sound a lot different than the words "it would be nice if" or "would like to." Sometimes we get so wrapped up in behaviors and expectations that we lose sight of the bigger picture. There may be more important things going on than what we're fixating on. We may need to take a step back and be mindful in order to appreciate the things that are happening around us.
Looking back, I can now see that the "you must eat your peas rule," should have been, "it would be nice if you eat your peas." After all, she was eating her corn. What should have been mandatory for me back then? The simple act of enjoying the place I was in and the person who was sharing it with me. Enjoying the three year old that would never be three again.
The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself if you are making an "I would like to" into an "I must." Maybe a self-assessment of the rules in your life could redirect you towards what is truly important, and free you of the burden of those things that are simply optional.
She's sitting in her highchair smiling sweetly back at me.
"I don't like peas," she says and eats her corn instead.
"You have to eat your peas," I insist and try to put a spoonful in her mouth. She seals her lips tightly and turns her head. I try being forceful. I trying being angry. I try bribing.
After a good 15 minutes of this battle, I finally give up and walk away. Confident that somehow her life will be limited because she didn't get her peas, I decide that I have failed her.
Fast forward seven years... she still doesn't eat her peas. To be honest, no one in the family eats peas. You won't even find peas in our freezer. We are a pea-free household. :) So many jokes...so little time.
For most of us, rules govern our lives. The way we behave, the way we eat, even the way we love are often the result of regulations we have created. They are a product of cultural, social, and familial norms and some are due to life experiences.
Some rules are mandatory. These are necessary to protect us and keep us safe. Others are optional, like eating everything on your plate. The problem occurs when we mistakenly identify an optional rule as mandatory. If you were to make a chart of the mandatory and optional rules of your life, I would be curious to see what you would put in each category.
A lot of times, the way we phrase a request impacts how we label it. The words "have to" or "must" before an action makes the sentence sound a lot different than the words "it would be nice if" or "would like to." Sometimes we get so wrapped up in behaviors and expectations that we lose sight of the bigger picture. There may be more important things going on than what we're fixating on. We may need to take a step back and be mindful in order to appreciate the things that are happening around us.
Looking back, I can now see that the "you must eat your peas rule," should have been, "it would be nice if you eat your peas." After all, she was eating her corn. What should have been mandatory for me back then? The simple act of enjoying the place I was in and the person who was sharing it with me. Enjoying the three year old that would never be three again.
The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself if you are making an "I would like to" into an "I must." Maybe a self-assessment of the rules in your life could redirect you towards what is truly important, and free you of the burden of those things that are simply optional.
No comments:
Post a Comment