The Bully

There is a young lady, who will remain nameless, that I adore.  On her first day of school, an 8th grade boy in the lunch line turned to her and in a very loud and derogatory way announced "you have a mustache."  As middle school survivors, most of us know how difficult these three years can be.  Our developmental job during this time is to just fit in...to belong. Not to be identified for being different.   

Fortunately for this girl, her father is a middle school survivor and had already practiced with her what to say for just such a situation.  So she turned around and faced her attacker.  Calmly she looked him over and said, "well at least I have one.".  

With the help of social media and anti-bullying projects, we are all aware of the long term implications of bullying.  And as a result we and our our children are taught skills on how to effectively combat such attacks.  But how often are we taught to deal with the biggest bullies in our lives...ourselves.  That voice in our heads that call us the names we probably/hopefully would never let anyone else call us, or tell us that we can't do it, or that we are undeserving or that you will never succeed so you should just give up.  You know the voice I'm talking about.  

So consider this your anti-self-bullying project and here is your combat skill:

Pay attention to what that voice is telling you and ask yourself if what it is saying is really true...challenge it, tell it that it's not helpful, or just tell it to shut up.  You may find that it is much harder to stand up to that voice than standing up for yourself with others because you can't run from this one or divorce it or quit it but realize that is exactly why you need to face it.  Not challenging it or stopping it sometimes makes it more powerful.   

I asked the young lady in question how it felt to stand up to the kid in the lunch line.  "It hurt my feelings but it felt good to shut him up.".   So true... it does hurt but yet so powerful when you shut up the bully.